How We Went to Sleep Tonight

Dear Addilyn, It's been 5 days since your surgery.  It's been bad.  I don't want to talk about it....sorta like what Forest Gump said...."That's all I have to say about that."   However, tonight when we went to bed you held my hand.  I'm up at 1:34am typing this just so I can remember.  :)  I hope I always remember that even in the midst of the crappiest, tear-filled day.....it shall pass and you can go to sleep happy, holding hands.....I love you.  You are the strongest little girl.........  Momma

In the Hospital

Dear Addilyn,  Today you had your tonsil surgery and we are staying the night in the hospital.  Right now you are asleep on your Daddy.  Thankfully the doctor upped your medicine and said you could have Motrin in between.  Maybe that will help with your pain.  Today has been rough.  I'm so sorry you are hurting and I've even second guessed my decision about this whole thing.  You've had strep throat like 7 times so I kept saying "Something has to be done!"  Now that you are in pain each time you swallow and can't eat I'm thinking "I'm the worse Momma ever!"   Just wish we could fast forward about a week......  You did so well this morning.  We woke you up at 5ish to be out here by 5:45.  You were smiling in the carseat and then fell back to sleep.  The nurse gave you some goofy medicine.... ha ha ha...wish I would have had that on camera.  You were lovin' life at that point.  It didn't get bad until we came to our room.......now you keep pulling at your iv, pulse ox, and bp cup.  (which momma took off of you twice)  Karrie brought you some balloons and stuffed animals in a gift basket, Pepaw and Nana brought you a book and Elmo toy, Kimmy, Alli, and Seth brought you a princess cup, dinasours, elephant, and red roses.  :)  As I'm typing this I'm reminded again about Trey, and Stella and all the other kids that have cancer and how their families have LIVED in a hospital...   And here I am thinking "woe is me" because we are staying 1 night.  I can't imagine what they have gone through.....makes me humble, and ashamed.  Guess sometimes you just need to stop and think about how blessed you really are........  I love you baby girl....Momma can't wait till you feel better and can go eat at Golden Corral again! (like we did last night for your final meal)  
                                                             -Momma

The Day Before

Dear Addilyn, Tomorrow is your surgery.  I'm more nervous right now than I was the day before I was going to have you.  I'm more nervous right now than I was the day before I was going to marry your Daddy.  It's the day before....I can't imagine how I will feel tomorrow.    I love you.....many people are praying. 
                                                                Momma

"Do You Still Watch the Duggars?"

Yesterday I went to lunch with some co-workers.  One of them asked "Do you still watch the Duggars?"

You see, yesterday I got up, got ready, got Addilyn up and ready and drove to daycare.  Then went and worked 8 hours.  After work I went and bought groceries. (hubs picks up Addilyn)  Got home a little before 6.  My husband had the chicken I had thawed out boiling for me.  I made a close version of Paula Dean's chicken pot pie.  While that was baking I mixed up a Catalina salad, then delivered it down to our church kitchen for a meal today, then I drove down the road to my aunt's house to deliver her bowl I had.  While I was at my aunt's house I stepped in mud...since I only have 1 pair of shoes I wear to work I had to put them in the washer when I got home.  We ate supper, I loaded the dish washer with what would fit, folded a load of clothes that were in the dryer from the night before, ironed all of our clothes for today, packed Addilyn's bag, put the leftovers in the fridge, gave Addilyn a bath.  Brushed her teeth, combed her hair, got her blankies out. We watched you tube videos of whales and dolphins at her request, then I hand washed the dishes that wouldn't fit in the dishwasher, put those away.  Hand washed Addilyn's sippie cups.  Rocked Addilyn.  Got her to bed.  Took a shower.  Put the clothes in the dryer.  Laid my shoes across a vent to dry over night.  Locked the door, turned the living room ceiling fan off and got in bed around 10ish.  Turned the tv on and there they were.....The Duggars.  So from 10-11 I stayed awake watching them....it had been awhile.  Jim Bob was home alone with the 4 little girls who have all grown since I saw them last.  Why little Josie was running around....last I knew she was having to stay upstairs on still on oxygen.  So to answer my friend.....yes, when I have time......I still watch the Duggars.

Seizures

Dear Addilyn, You are having seizures again.  These started when you were 5 months old.  Your Pediatrician thought it was 'behavioral" and said most babies grow out of it around 9 months.  We waited until you were 13 months and went to Children's Hospital for an EEG.  My understanding is that you have to have a seizure during the EEG for it to show anything.  You screamed the whole time during the test, did not seize and therefore had a normal EEG- which we were greatful for.  You eventually stopped having the seizures all together, until now-at 28 months.  This past week I've noticed you having them and told your Daddy.  Just today your aunt Kimmy called to tell me you were having them yesterday.  Momma's heart is broke.  Like I've said many many times over, I know it could be much worse.  I just feel like in our little world, we cannot catch a break with all the sickness.  We've been to the Dr like 15 times in 6 months.  I don't even know what to do this time.  I honestly don't want to take you to the Dr again.  One because I think it will be a waste of time and I don't want to put you through anything else and two, I'm afraid of what we will find out.  I don't want to know.  Right now you are healthy.  I want a healthy baby.  This may sound completely irresponsible to others but I'm just sharing my heart and my fears.  We have 10 days until your tonsil surgery and hospital stay.  That is enough for me to worry about for now.  Momma's going to pray....and listen to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDSxDzOQpdI

                                                          I love you more than words can say, 
                                                          and Happy Valentines Baby Girl!!

                                                                              Momma
                                                                   

Working Mom

I'm linking up with Kelly's Korner today to talk about being a working mom.  I recently went back to work when my daughter was about to turn 2.  I was able to stay home with her until that time and I'm so thankful.  While being a SAHM I also babysat to earn money and so that she would have someone to play with.  Addilyn was getting bored staying home all the time and since we were living on a small budget we couldn't just up and go to Chick Fila, or PlayWorld, or even driving around for that matter.  I began praying about what to do.  There was an opening at the same company I had always worked for.  I applied and got the job and most importantly, Addilyn got into a great school and her teacher goes to our church.  God worked all of that out...that's another post that I should do!   Anyways, so here I am a working mom and these are a few things that I do to make it work for us. 

1.  When we are at home I play with Addilyn as much as possible.  We read books, color, watch funny animal clips on You Tube, go fishing in the ditch outside or the potty inside depending on the weather, etc.  I don't want to rush home to just get the laundry going and work like a maid- I spend time with her first.

2.  My husband helps me.  I am blessed, I know.  Thank you Hubby!!  He helps get supper on the table or he plays with Addilyn while I get supper on the table.

3.  After Addilyn has her bath and the evening is winding down, I iron our clothes and lay them out on/across our kitchen table.  I pack her bag and make our lunch. This makes my morning run smooth.

4.  I menu plan.  I keep this on the refrigerator and even if we don't stick to it, it helps me know what we can make.

5.  I wash and dry a load of clothes every night. 

6.  I try to do one other household chore each night too so that I don't have to do it all at once.  One night I may vacuum, one night I may clean a bathroom. 

7.  We don't do a lot of extra stuff.  This keeps our life manageable.  We go to church on Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday.  If I tried to go to every party, outing type thing then I would feel like my family and home were neglected.  Just my opinion.  Our Saturdays may only consist of going grocery shopping and playing outside, but we make it fun.

Momma's Scared...

Dear Addilyn, You have had strep throat 5 times in 5 months, 6 times in less than a year.  So, real soon you will be having your tonsiles removed.  I dread it.  I know you need this done so you won't be sick anymore but gosh....I know you're not going to understand any of it.  Not getting up at 5am, not being able to eat or drink, not the IV, not the pain....I so wish we weren't having to do this.  Then I think about little Stella.  She's a little 2 yr old who has brain cancer and has already been through so much.  I think about her momma and daddy, and little brother and what they have had to go through.  It makes my fears seem so silly.  Anytime I'm worried about something I'm always reminded it could be alot worse.  So....the count down begins.  I hope and pray this surgery will help you in the long run.  I hate it when your sick.  I love you so much and I pray that God gives this momma a peace and assurance during this time.  And, I pray that you will eat and drink afterwards.....  Love you, Momma